Monday, February 21, 2011

The Cult

I had a wonderful first date with this gentleman. Went to Saturday Market, ate some delicious sushi, played a couple games of pool. Of course I agreed for a second date! Too bad it was doomed from the get go...

08/2010: The Cult

Matt* and I really hit it off our first date. We had a great time, and I was really looking forward to our next date. We decided to grab dinner after work one day. Usually, when I have plans after work, I like to bring an extra pair of clothes to change into. I can only handle looking so professional for so long before I just want to hop into my stretchy pants and call it a night. However, I decided to wear one of my more "I may have just come from work but I could totally wear this randomly any other day of the week (even though I totally wouldn't)" outfits. Basically, a gray top, black skirt, and black pumps. Added a nice little silver chain and a black flower clip in my hair, I was feelin it.

I arrived to our dinner destination, Bugatti's in Beaverton. I had been there a few times before with the fam. The food is always delicious, and they have a freaking great happy hour. Matt arrived shortly after me, and when I saw him walk through the door, I had to try my hardest to hold back laughter. First off, at 6'5", he was hard to miss regardless. Second, he chose the exact same color palette as myself. Exact same shade of gray top, black pants, and black shoes.

We were twins.

I made a small joke regarding how we looked like we may be part of some cult, which he didn't seem to keen on. Over some awkward small talk, we looked over the menu. He took a couple quick glances, and had made up his mind. "So what did you decide on?" I asked. "Same thing I get everywhere else. Fettuccine Alfredo." This piqued my interest, since you don't hear too often that someone gets pretty much the same order every Italian place they go. Turned out, he was on a hunt to find the best Fettuccine Alfredo. I could respect that, since a couple years prior, I had been on the hunt to find the best chocolate cake in Portland. (Turned out...all the places I went, Costco PWND them) "Oh, and where as the best been? Don't say Olive Garden!" I joked. He just looked at me. " is Olive Garden." I couldn't help it. I laughed.

Now, I am by no means a pasta, or general food expert at all. But I know when it comes to Olive Garden, of ALL the restaurants I've been to, they rank pretty low for awesome pasta. After my laughter subsided, I apologized and wished him luck on his order here. We both ordered a glass of wine, and chatted for a bit, with the awkward tension still hovering above us. Finally our order came. I was actually quite curious about his opinion about the dish in front of him. Lo and behold, while he said it was good, it was no match for Olive Garden. I chuckled to myself, and enjoyed my food.

After we ate, we decided to get some dessert. There happened to be a Cold Stone in the area, so we got in my car and headed for it. Still feeling like we should be going door to door and telling people of the Hale Bop comet and how they should all come wear sneakers with us, we walked into the ice creamery. I noticed we  got some strange looks from the kids working behind the counter. I can't say I blamed them. We made our selection, and one of the boys behind the counter asked who was paying. I looked at Matt, who looked at me. We stood there for a minute, before he finally opted to pay. I stood their, watching the girl mash my ice cream together, hoping this date would make a turn for the better.

Since the weather was nice, we ate our ice cream outside. We sat on opposite sides of a little table, and shared awkward small talk. I'm pretty sure my body language said "Please stay over there, this is just getting weird." Matt apparently wasn't fluid in body language, and made a big to-do about getting out of his chair, pulling out the chair next to mine, and plopping himself down. I laughed nervously a bit to myself, and continued to shove my ice cream into my mouth, as to make less small talk.

Once we were done, it was still light and nice out, and he asked if I would like to go for a walk. I couldn't think of an excuse to say no quick enough, so I said yes. We hopped back in my car, and he directed me to a disc golf / walking park by Washington Square. I had driven by this place countless times, but never knew it was there. We got out, and started our journey down the path. I naturally walk at a fairly fast pace, even in my heels. Double that with the fact I was feeling dreadfully weird with this entire second date situation, I was walking pretty quickly, holding the hand of a guy that I had lost absolutely all interest in. He finally tried to slow me down, pointing out we had no where to be. I laughed and said "Oh, I'm just a fast walker! I can't help it!" Really, I was just thinking the faster I walked this long ass path, the quicker I could take him back to his car and we could be done with this fiasco.

We continued to walk when we came to a fork in the path. One way looped back to where we came, another went on even farther. Luckily, I happened to be getting a blister, so we choose to loop back. Now, I'm not sure how this came up in conversation, but we had started to talk about something, and he made the statement "Yes, I am a man, I have a penis." It was at this point I decided I never wanted to see this man again. I picked up my hurried pace back to my car, and drove him back to his vehicle. I parked next to his, we shared an awkward good bye, and I quickly drove myself home.

Whether he was just having a bad day, or the cult joke right at the beginning threw him off, that was not the same guy I had the awesome first date with a few days earlier. All I know, is it made me want to drink the Kool-Aid, and that can't be a good sign.

*name has been changed to protect identity

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